Orgasms



Pleasure beyond norms & scripts



How can we explore our own orgasm? How can it feel? In heterosexual relationships, women orgasm less often than men. It´s called the orgasm gap. Now why is that?


Let´s take a closer look at these questions.


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The orgasm gap



Body and mind



Some argue that our biggest erogenous zone is the brain. Studies show that in heterosexual relationships, 95% of men reach orgasm, while only 65% of women do (2). This is a problem that cannot be explained by saying “men are just more sexual,” because that is not supported by biology.


Unfortunately, around 34% of women experience low sexual desire due to social, cultural, and sometimes physical factors. For example, the use of birth control can lower libido (1). It can also be influenced by cultural norms where women are not seen as equally sexual as men. Since the brain is our biggest erogenous zone, much of our arousal comes from the mind and emotions. Arousal in the body can also happen due to fear or stress, which may cause confusing or conflicting emotions.


* Ref 1. Graham CA, Mercer CH, Tanton C, et al, 2017 Ref 2. Frederick David A., St. John H. Kate, Garcia Justin R., Lloyd Elisabeth A. 2018.



Orgasm



Sexual arousal and desire



One study shows that people who experience orgasm more often tend to have better communication and explore together with their partner (1). Feeling genuinely safe is important. Everyone experiences orgasm in their own way, and only you know how an orgasm feels for you. In women, there can be multiple mini-orgasms, vaginal orgasms, clitoral orgasms, or blended orgasms. Men can experience different types of orgasms too, such as regular orgasms, dry orgasms, or G-spot orgasms.

*Ref: 1. Mallory, A. B., Stanton, A. M., & Handy, A. B. (2019), Eric W. Dolan, 2019 2. J Ekdahl, 2017, H. Knutagård 2016



Conditions



In order to experience orgasm — and for that orgasm to come from feelings like love, joy, confidence, and genuine appreciation — we need to feel calm, happy, warm, and relaxed. Most of all, we need to feel safe during sex.


Sometimes physical factors can also get in the way. For women, ovulation plays an important role in sexual desire. Read more about ovulation and the menstrual cycle under the section on Birth Control.



Get to know your sexual desire



To have an orgasm during sex, we first need to know what an orgasm feels like for us personally — many of us get to know our orgasm through masturbation. Then, once we understand how our own body works, we can show and tell our partner how we reach orgasm. Reflecting on what turns us on and what doesn’t is also important. Where are your boundaries? What do you like to do sexually, and why? Talking about sex helps both partners understand what to expect — and what boundaries each person has.


Pressure



Research shows that underlying factors behind sexual difficulties — such as low libido or premature ejaculation in men — are often linked to emotional stress and how one relates to their own sexual identity (2). For example, being very focused on how you’re perceived during sex, how you look, or whether you're performing well. These thoughts can create stress and affect your ability to orgasm.


Remember that we often enjoy ourselves more when the other person is also feeling good — so don’t be afraid to show what you like, and be attentive to what your partner wants in return.



Ovulation is connected to arousal



Womens natural bodies ovulate once a month, and it plays a key role in sexual desire. Ovulation is when we are fertile — and also when we often feel the most aroused. To have a healthy sex drive, we need to support healthy ovulation.


Caffeine, sugar, alcohol, and stress are common factors that can negatively affect both ovulation and libido. Vitamin deficiencies and poor eating habits can also make it harder for the body to create the right conditions for healthy ovulation. Read more about the menstrual cycle to learn about ovulation.


Hormonal balance
Ovulation

SRHR & Sexual Health Education



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