Empowered Kink.



Kink is a broad term that can include everything from dirty talk and role play to exploring power dynamics like dominance and submission. Research from Canada shows that many people have fantasized about power play—but having a fantasy doesn’t necessarily mean wanting to act it out in real life.


Consent is essential in all sexual encounters. What’s distinctive in kink is that communication and boundaries are made especially clear: partners often talk through desires and limits in advance, agree on safewords, and check in with each other throughout. These practices help create safety and trust, making it possible to explore fantasies in ways that feel both exciting and respectful.


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Beyond "normal"



20-40% consider themselves kinky



Approximately half of the U.S. population reports having a preference that goes beyond 'normal sex.' Studies show varying results, but between 20-40% consider themselves kinky. A study in Canada shows that about half have fantasized about power play, i.e., having a submissive or dominant role in bed. Fantasies do not automatically mean wanting to act them out, but these numbers suggest that kink is common.


Kink can include, for example, role play. Kink is an interest in a particular sexual act, while a fetish involves being turned on by specific objects or specific parts of the body, but it can also include being aroused by particular sexual acts.



Consent is more than a yes



Consent can be withdrawed at any moment



Understanding consent means knowing that consent can be withdrawed, at any moment. This is why consent is more than a simple yes or no - it is an ongoing interaction, requiring each participant to stay stay attentive, responsive, and open to communication. It means noticing how your partner is feeling, checking in, and being willing to pause or adjust when something changes. True consent is built on trust, presence, and the freedom to say both yes and no at any point.


If someone is unsure or hesitant about doing something kinky during an intimate act, it’s better to wait and talk about it. Since kink can include, for example, role-playing, it’s important that both feel comfortable with what they like and where the boundaries are.



Kink as reflected in porn



A lot of kink is reflected in the porn industry. Many young people report that, for example, 'choking sex' is common. Some experts talk about how choking violence in porn mirrors destructive relationships, especially among young adults. It’s important to be aware of where kink can come from and what makes the experience positive or negative. For kink to be something positive, a lot of self-awareness, self-knowledge, boundary-setting, and good communication with the other person are needed. Betty Martin's book 'The Wheel of Consent' provides a model for good communication for sexual interaction in general, but also for BDSM and kink. You can also read about The Wheel of Consent online. We go deeper into The Wheel of Consent in our free online lecture, available under the 'webinar' section.


Recommended further reading



  • The wheel of Consent, Betty Martins
  • Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliott


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